Ringing in a New Year

As 2012 draws to an end, I've been reflecting on what's been one of the best and most challenging years of my life.

 

Seriously. This year was amazing and by far my favorite. Some changes occurred in our lives, not too many. Good ones, mostly. I don't really remember most of the bad ones. Besides, aren't you supposed to focus on the good things anyway?

 

The biggest milestone of this year and the one that makes me choke up every single time I think about it, is the fact that I became a mother. This year, I was blessed with THE most amazing gift that could have been bestowed upon me: my precious baby boy. I've always been a sap, but really, he's made me out-do myself. I have to swallow tears constantly. I have to watch this baby- my baby- change and grow before my very eyes. Gah, I'm tearing up even now. It's amazing how as a mom, I stare at him and remember the moment I first saw him, the first cry that left his lips, the first time his eyes met mine, the first time my fingers touched his silky smooth baby skin, the feel of his tiny sleeping body on mine, listening to his heart, watching his chest rise and fall, realizing that he had become my new obsession and the hard realization that I was responsible for him, now. I was his mommy. Is it normal to see all that almost every time I look at him? I mean, he's almost a year old now, but I still see my tiny, newborn cherub every time I see him and think about how big he's gotten. Does that ever end? I hope not.

 

Another milestone this year, was finding out that we're expecting another child- this time, a baby girl. I'm so nervous, again. You'd think with just having a baby this year, I'd be taking this all in stride. Ha. Nothing could be further from the truth. I had to laugh at my last pre-natal appointment. They asked me if I was feeling her move at all and all I could think was, "I don't know. I think so, but I'm not really sure." With just carrying a baby a few short months ago, you'd think I'd remember what a baby moving around feels like. The doctor looked at Fred and I like we were crazy as we sat there chuckling, together. It's weird to think that this time next year, I'll be the mother of two babies. God, help me.

 

My fondest memories this year, besides all of the ones with Max, are the ones I've shared with my husband. It's crazy how my love for Fred grows more and more each day. Sure, he really drives me crazy sometimes, and I just want him to either shut up or leave me alone, but the fact that he doesn't and that he just keeps on loving me through everything makes me appreciate him even more, especially as we watch relationships around us constantly crumbling. This year has made me so incredibly grateful to the Lord that he knew exactly what I needed when he created Fred, flaws and all. He is truly my best friend, my soul mate, my other half, my lover, my "baby daddy", my leader, my helper, my rock, and all those other sappy things people say about the people they love. I don't think anything could shake my love for him. I mean, he broke my finger this year, and I still love him. ---He broke it by accident when we were judo-ing, -well, trying to wrestle, which probably looked ridiculous. It was fun to say he broke it and see the looks on people's faces.

Babe- if you read this, I can still kick your butt in judo. ;-)

 

There's lot of other good memories of this year, especially with my family and a few close friends, but I'm kind of pressed for time. :-(

 

This years imminent ending makes me anxious for the year to come. Lots of big changes are approaching and my nerves are feeling somewhat raw. Fred leaves for basic training in a little over a month- he'll be away for almost six. We don't know if they'll let him come home when baby girl is born or not. We're praying they do, but who knows? I'm terrified of the possibility of having to deliver a baby without my husband's presence. I'm scared of taking care of two babies without him (I'll have my family, though, so that helps). I'm afraid of the whole moving away from my family process as they are the people I'm closest to. I'm nervous for all the changes that will affect us for the rest of our lives. We just have to keep on reminding ourselves, that God has this all in control. After all He's got the whole world in His hands, right?

 

 

 

Well, that's all I've got for now. I have to go join my family to ring in the new year. 

 

 

 

I wish anyone who reads this a Happy and Healthy Year in 2013.

May your year be as blessed as it can possibly be.