It sucks watching the days pass and knowing that everything we've known as normalcy for the duration of our marriage soon won't be... well, the norm.
It sucks laying awake at night with Max snuggled up in my arms on one side and Fred snoring on the other and knowing that as much as his snoring drives me bonkers, it won't be the thing that's keeping me awake at night.
...I'd so much rather his snoring keep me awake than the uncertainty and anxiety of being apart.
There's so much that I can think of that sucks, but the part that sucks the most is knowing that after this month, I might have to go through the rest of this pregnancy without my husband. It's hard to even think about. I'm sitting here trying to hide tears each time someone walks into the room while I'm typing this. Fred was my rock while I was in delivery with Max. I kept pushing because I wanted to finally be able to really share our baby with him- if that makes sense? I wanted to see them meet, to watch him finally able to bond with our son, all that jazz. With this pregnancy, I don't even know if he'll be allowed to come home when baby girl decides to come. How am I supposed to do this without him? Gah, I'm bawling now and I need a tissue. A little ray of sunshine, though: he finally felt our little girl kicking and moving yesterday morning. I was so worried she wasn't going to give him that chance.
I'm trying so hard to keep my emotions together. I'm trying not to cry every single time the thought of his leaving crosses my mind. I'm trying to not think about how quickly it's coming and the harsh, cold reality that pretty soon, he won't be here for a while. That just keeps getting harder and harder with each day that passes.
<3
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